Well there was someone who said that life is a wasted. No matter how hard you try, work, having fun, learn, study or improve yourself, etc etc etc. At the end you;ll die and all you have done in your life is a waste. At least for yourself. Once you died then you're gone. From nothing goes to nothing. So what the point is this life?

I may say that I'm much influenced by this idea. To certain point where my wife complained and we have a small fight last weekend. I call it small because nothing thrown or crashed nothing phisically done. But in the other hand I may call it big either because at the end nothing solved. This morning another little fight ensued mostly because I can't keep my mouth shut. Well whatever thats not what I want to write about today.

I must agree that I could not find any good cause or reason to really fight for in this life. Although I keep working, trying to learn something new when such interest occurs, buying new things, playing a game, doing the webcomic, trying to have a goal in life, etc. But this annoying voice is keep coming on me, that these things I did or plan to do is worth nothing at all. So I keep thinking about life and why this life is valuable thing to hold dearly or to walk upon.

I have many times stumble upon some books or articles with advise or quotes that make me think maybe this is the answer. But until now I'm not yet walking this life I have in certainty. I think I have this for now and tomorrow I'll try to find some time to wrote what conclusion I reach so far (with some doubt linger).

So how many of you using illegal softwares ? If you live in my country there are 80-90% chances that you'll raise your hands as I ask this question. Well probably you're not raising your hands because that looks stupid if someoen catch you doing that. Maybe I just become some cynical and judge my country to harsh when I say that but the fact is whenever I go I found people using illegal software.

I must admit that I am guilty for that too. But I can't help it, its so easy to get your hands on illegal softwares but hard to get your hands on the legal one.

Lately I try hard to use all those free stuff. And I begin to admire these people who spent their time and then share their work for free. No matter what their intention I do appreciate their effort, I don't mind a small google ads running or those message promoting something once and a while. For the webcomic I'm using GIMP, I also found this 3D modeler called Blender and for doing some programming for my own amusement I use Bloodshed Dev C++. Hopefully one day I'll be able to clean my PC from any illegal app.

But what this is all of sudden I'm talking about illegal softwares? The reason is that suddenly I remember a conversation I have with the vice president director in the place I work. He asked from everyone for a suggestions an idea for the company. So after I gather some courage I was giving this idea, since in our country we begin to apply all these copyright law specialy those dealing with softwares. Why don't we begin to create a decent application with cheaper price. I thought I give a brilliant idea.

I mean if no one can't use their office, their CAD, etc without paying a huge sum of money anymore they have to look for something to replace those expensive application with a cheaper one. So there is our niche. Well guess what? Unless I can came up with strong data and such he don't think that kind of idea could be run. Beside most people still using illegal software anyway so those kind of products won't sell.

So much for good idea, I think I'm not a good enterpreneur. Maybe I'll just stick with every work they assigned to me and shut my big mouth. I just hope that one day I can come up with a great comic and get money through comicking. That would be great.

Okay everything seems nice today, for the first time someone commenting on my blog. Its good to know that someone do read it. , that is one thought that will keep me from writing some porn stories in here, lol .

Another good thing is that, I start to catch up again with the comic progress, doesn't mean that I have some pages done before time, no, likely I still going to sleep at 03:00 AM as the deadline come around. The comic was updated in time last week and seems its going to be updated in time in teh future with christmas and new year as exception. Since there are chances that I won't be able to do any comic at that time.

So its good. I have thinking of starting another comic for the past few days. After a while and after took some advice of another webcomic fellas. I have decide to stick with the current comic while trying to work on that other comic. Probably its going to be a short story comic, perhaps each comic will 30-40 pages long. It will be a good practice for me in creating a complete finished comic.

I need that because this acoimade is quite a nice way to learn about creating a webcomic. As I working on Acoimade I start realize that I lack lots of skill needed in a comic creation process. Specially on writing, at this time most of the time the drawing done first before I start thinking to fill that picture with dialogues and text. Totally wrong way to do it. Most of the time people do with scripts done first.

I start acoimade with the thought of making a long epic story. Realizing that I was doing wrong from the beginning give me this feeling to tear apart this acoimade and start from a zero point, a new comic with fresh thought. But that doesn't seem nice either specially because I have put it online, I have promise to some and to myself that no matter what I will keep this comic until it have its ending. And that put me in agony for the last few weeks. Now at least for this current short time I can say that I have put that thought and agony in past.

So my plan for the next time is carefully write a short story, a short script. When everything is done properly, I'll try to add another day in a week to work on this script. Or in worst case I might updating acoimade once a week and use that other day for the other projest. With that in mind I rest the case.

I'm not sure where this feeling come from. I just know that I don't have any extra will or anything to force myself to do anything useful. Even if in the last few days I have lots of thing to be grateful for. This is the story. How God is really being nice to me.

I have using my credit card too much last month. And to pay it I will have to spend all of my salary for this month. That's mean if I do pay my credit card I won't have money for food, bills etc. Of course I can pay the minimum and pay the rest next month. But that's not the way I use my credit card so far. Once I do that and I regret my decision at that time. With this in mind we (me and my wife) see my salary this month. Its not ours any longer, its for MasterCard. And I have told my wife that she don't need to worry about that, since we'll calculate all teh bills and such and use the rest of my salary to pay our credit card.

Worst is that we'll hold ourselves from using the credit card for this month and live with less expenditure compared to the last month. Beside its our own fault and this isn't so bad actually. Lots of people facing worse problem than us.

So last saturday we go to the ATM to take some money left there. And surprised that I receive almost twice of the usual salary. Somehow I get a raise. usually we got our salary raised at the beginnign of the new year. So its really a surprised for me. Never I expect this.

Now I can pay all the credit card bills (keep my record at using credit card clean) and still have some money left to buy things. And some people who buy shirts and bed cover to my wife in credit also paid in the last weekend. We do have more than we could ever expect that day.

As you probably have seen from my productivity in producing webcomic that I have lost my spirit in the last few days. I miss the tuesday and now miss the friday and not even yet do the next tuesday at this time. If you have know before that I have some financial problem you might think that those are the reason. My wife thought that was the reason and felt guilty for the last few days.

So this salarry raise should lift up my spirit. But lo, no its not raise my spirit. I do grateful for it and I do have lots of other reason to be grateful in this life. But somehow I just don't find the passion I have to draw or to work diligently at work. I don't have any passion to chase any of my dreams. I just don't know.

Maybe its part of the RA I have that seem to attack me again lately. That I don't feel like to get up in the morning. I feel exhausted at the end of the day. Maybe its because my left eye still blurred (its getting better actually, no more pain and I don't feel so sore anymore when I use it to read). Or maybe somehow I lost this believe that if you keep working on your dream someday you'll finally reach your dream and get this picture that everything I do will falling apart and fail.

I don't know my guess is that I just some lazy as!@$##$ and need to be whipped to keep move on. Don't know if its work but this morning I force myself to get up early, wash last night dishes and fry some thing for breakfast. And now I'll force myself to do something useful at work.

Thanks for anyone who read this piece of s#!@.

Wuxia, what is Wuxia? Wuxia is classic chinese martial art literature. I just learn this term recently but as chinese decendant I have for long read Wuxia since my childhood. Its just that because I'm born in a country where such term never used. Lately I read lots of Wuxia. Both that written by chinese author and those which is written by chinese decendant born in my country. After so long never had a chance to read a good Wuxia I get a good number of it in ebook form from a friend of mine.

And then began my search on Wuxia novels on internet.

For you who want to know about Wuxia or those who likes to read Wuxia but couldn't find it I give you a link :

You can find one of some famous Wuxia author, Gu Long's novels here. You could also find other famous wuxia authors in there.

Its a good translation its just that some terms is replaced with a not quite compatible words in english. In here in my country usually such terms is not translated. But I didn't know eitehr how such things is written in Pinyin, most of chinese here use another kind of language. And some how I felt that some character's didn't really expressed the same way its supposed to be. Perhaps its just because my english is not good enough.

However I must say its really an effort to translate it. And thanks a lot for that effort. I'm really enjoy reading all those wuxia's.

Hi, I haven't write anything here for a long time. As some of you probably know I have problem with my left eye. It's blured and get this pain in my left eye, specially whenever it was exposed to light. So doing some computer's work is such a pain in the ass. Its didn't hurt much now though after I take some dose of voltaren.

But still red and pain when the drug's effect thinned.

Hopefully I'll get over it soon. Beside this isn't the first time I got this problem. kind of three or four times. The first one when I was at senior high school and then once again at college, then couple of times after I got this job.

Well I have this urge to write a spoiler, explaining everything about the plot concerning "The World of Acoimade", most of it because I felt that there are lots of things left unexplained until now. I do plan to explained it later in the story itself but I'm affraid that some reader will think that things happened without a reason and then losing interest. And I plan this comic to be quite a long one.

That's why I was tempted to write some spoiler. The problem is if I write a spoiler than I don't have this surprised anymore later in the story.

So what do you think? Do you want some spoiler?

In the last few days I spent times looking at my own webcomic and feel this '... what a bad idea to start a webcomic now", not that I don't enjoy the process or not because I'm losing readers. In fact I got a bit more readers compared to few days ago. Although I guess its just because I just listed it on several place. I just hope that people who stumble upon my webcomic think that it deserve another look next time.

So in a way (a slow one) I gain reader. Not much but its fun to see that someone do give the work some attention.

Now the one that broke my spirit is the knowledge how far I am from those webcomic I like (specially in the terms of art), you know I like Jonathon Dalton's art and Megatokyo. But recently I also do lots of webcomic searching and I found tons of nice webcomic out there. Alpha shades, Broken Mirror and lots of other more cartoonic style but still have this profesional look on them. So I began to think I'm 29 going to 30 and there are younger people out there outmatch me in every aspect.

So these went for a couple days before I began to say, "WTH. I might late in doing this. I might not have enough time and such. But at least I still have chance to improve myself. I don't know how long it will take or whether I'm going to make it at all. I just have to fight for it. Its not the result that important (a bit of self deceiving) but how I fight for it."

Funny that yesterday I bump on an art class at Megatokyo forums. It was there for so long but never before I see it. So starting from yesterday I begin to follow each step. Its about character design, from now on I will try to work on every tutorials/classes about art that I can found.

Its about character design for the first step I have to come up with 8 silhouette of the character I want to design. A bit late huh? Since I have do the webcomic, I do wish I found this class long before I decide to start the comic. But better late than never. I just come up with two for Ken David character's design. And one for first female that going to be appear (just wait for tomorrow's update) . I will keep doing this until I got 8 for each and continue with the next step.

So I guess I have a new year resolution. Yay!!

Why I fall in love with comic? There are other storytelling medium, prose, movie, theatre etc. There are more medium to express your idea and feeling. What make comic special compared to other?

I believe its because comics have this unique position. I believe as art, as a medium, comic is just as glorious as fine art, music, film, photography, poem or prose. But somehow comic is considered lower compared to the previous other. That's why I'm attracted to comic more than other form of medium.

Another reason is that comic has many hidden aspects that the reader can't directly see it but those aspects is absolutely important to make a comic appealing. Reading a comic for me is almost like watching a magician do his/her tricks. He/she did it, I dont know how but he/she did it anyway. I don't exatcly know how a comic creator could almost draw me to be involved with his comic but somehow he did.

As you read more and more comics you will see that some are successfully draw their reader to be involved with their comic while some not ranging from certain levels to another levels. And its not as easily judged that successfull one have a more depth story or plot compared to those who did not. Or the one that succeed is drawn better than the one that not.

It is more than just pictures or writing. Something else is there. I have read a lot of comic and try to understand this. I read Scott McLoud about understanding comics. But even then I still could not grasp the art of making a comic and even harder to implement it as I make the comic. I believe it could be a lifetime effort for one to fully grasp this whole art.

And the thought I hate most is that probably someone out there grasp all the principal and mastered this art easily. Leaving me forever stucked in the world of mediocrity.

I'm back. Tomorow I will upload the next comic page. As its turn out that I spent most of my times reading books, playing games, watching movies and do little with the comic. I only do one finished comic. That's done last tuesday so I should be able to upload it. But after I think about it for a while, I decide to spend that day and the next day with my wife.

She's been very tolerant to thscomic things and I would like to spend more time with her.

And the comic itself is become really hard to do. I spend lots of time just to try to come with a nice one. The next few pages should be a fast paced action comic. Build the tense in about two pages. Then some fight. This is the first time I'm going to do this scenes and I have dificulty in arrange te whole scene.

I still find it hard to come up with a good thing.

So only one finished page.

Tomorrow.

I have said before starting tomorrow I'll have a week off work. Since I do online at my work there is big possibility that I won't be online for that week. Most of you who came to my webcomic are coming from the webcomic list, so you could check the update list once and a while since I might updating the site.

My plan for that week would be included game for free and some pages of battle scene. It would be good if I can touch some of the web design elements.

And be sure check the new web hosting I use, if you like it give me a hint so I can udpate the link at the webcomic list. I hope the admin didn't get mad at me asking for url change so many times.